Still learning...

Today I took my daughter to see "The Nutcracker" in Paris.  Yes, it's March.  Yes, in America it is traditionally a show done in December.  I bought my daughter the tickets as a Christmas present.  She had to wait 3 months to experience it. 

We had a great time.  I love "The Nucracker" ballet.  I've seen it at least 20 times.  I'm not kidding.  I started going every December when I was about 5.  I missed a few during the college and early married years but I can safely say there's been at least 20. 

I started taking my daughter every year at Christmas when she was 3.  We missed it in Dec 2009, our first year in France, because we were living in Aix and there wasn't an opportunity within 2 hours of us.  Last year we were fortunate to spend Christmas in the states and my mom and mom-in-law took us to St. Louis to see it. 

I was so excited when I found these tickets.  I actually didn't even notice the month when I bought them.  When I printed them out, I saw the date and realized it was not December but March.  Geez!  Who does "The Nutcracker" in March?  Paris.  And a ballet company from Moscow.

Anyway, I learned a few new things tonight.

One, when you go to a theater in Paris, bring change for a tip.  Our usher took us to our seats.  Then she asked me, in French, for drinking money (that's how a tip translates directly into English).  I said, "Quoi?".  She said "a tip" in English.  I said, "What?".  I really didn't understand her.  I have been going to shows my whole life - ballets, symphonies, musicals, etc.  I have never experienced this before.  I had to raid Natalie's coin purse and pull out a euro to tip her.  I kept watching her the rest of the night to see if she was just conning the American or if she did this to everyone.  It turns out, this is just what you do in France.  All the frenchies handed their ushers a coin or two when they were walked to their seats.  Silly me.

Two, you do not clap until the music ends.  In ballet and in jazz, you clap when someone soloing does something really impressive, hard, cool, whatever.  If something they've done shows off how really talented they are, you clap... in America.  Apparently not here.  I've learned, through sitting through many a symphony, that if you are unsure when to clap, don't.  It's better to join others than to be the one guy clapping alone in a room.  There were times that these dancers did something beautiful and inspiring and I had to just sit there.  No one clapped until a piece ended.  It was sad.  I wanted to appreciate them.  Well, then at the end they did like 15 bows so I wasn't sad for them anymore.  I guess they thought if the audience was going to hold their applause until the end, they were going to take their 15 minutes. 

Well, you learn something new everyday.  At least I do.

Living here keeps you humble. 

I think, I hope, I'm learning to laugh at myself.  A lot.

Life is life is life

I've been struggling lately on what to say on this blog.  I worry about who reads it and what judgements they will pass.  Or if anyone even reads it at all.  I'm not very funny or sarcastic so it may not be a very interesting read.  It's just all my own insecurities playing out online.  We started this blog so our family and friends could follow our lives in France but Facebook seems to be doing that. (Although I've started being more selective on what I post there too.)  So I guess that's why there hasn't been much posting lately.  I worry too much about what others think.

It's also difficult to ever post anything that's not happy-go-lucky about your life in France.  People assume that because you live in a gorgeous city, life must be gorgeous too.  Life is life and it isn't more beautiful for us here than it would be in the states.  At times I believe my life would be much easier if it was in the states - so predictable, comfortable, easy to understand.  But I know that we are supposed to be here and I have grown to love this place like you love your spouse after being married for more than a few years.  The honeymoon has worn off, you see them at their worst and hopefully at their best sometimes, and you love them still.  You choose to love them, beyond the twitterpated dating phase where you only see the fireworks.  I've chosen to accept and love this city for who she is.  Yes, I will still complain about her, like I complain about my husband shrinking my sweaters when he helps with the laundry, but I love her still.

I'm navigating  who I am in my new reality.  It's hard to make choices when you still aren't sure who you are but I am working on it.  Recently we had to make a tough choice about a school trip my daughter's class was going on.  It would have been her first school overnight trip.  The teacher is really excited about it and they will be studying my daughter's favorite subject - space!  The downside- my daughter is in a 3rd (CE2) and 5th (CM2) grade combined class.  This 10 day trip to a place that is 7 hours away is really geared for the 10/11 year olds in her class.  As much as we wanted her to experience this great thing, we wrestled with the reality of almost 2 weeks of our 8 year old away, under the care of people who we honestly don't know very well.  For her first overnight trip, we felt 10 nights was a little much.  There was another family that felt the same and their 8 year old isn't going either. 

We made a choice.  It may not be the right one but it's our choice for now and it's what we feel comfortable with.  I'm learning that it's ok for me to do that - make choices, even if no one else agrees with me.  I have been a people pleaser for much of my life.  I'm trying to grow up. 

Maybe I'll share more of this journey with you. 
We'll see.

30 months...

Remember when you first had a baby and then that baby grew into a toddler?  People would ask how old your little one was and you would always respond with an answer in months.  No way am I just going to answer, "He's 1."  Parenting a baby and a toddler is just so much work and too exhausting to give it a simple answer that he's just 1!  "I've been mommy-ing this sweet thing for exactly 19 1/2 months."  Then as the child grows older, you start sleeping through the night again and regain consciousness, you start counting his age in years.

I was thinking about how that idea reflects our time here in France.  We have been living our lives here counting the months.  It's been exhausting and hard.  But as we turn the corner towards our 3 year mark, it occurred to me that I have stopped thinking in months and have transitioned into years. 

We certainly don't have it all together and we have not totally figured out all that it means to do life here, but we have come a long way baby. 

As we start 2012, I've been reflecting a lot on where we've been and where we are now.  I hope I can say that I think we're growing, becoming better versions of ourselves each year.  I'm incredibly thankful for the journey I've been on so far in this life and I feel incredibly blessed.  Thanks God.

Franglish

I've noticed that the longer I live here, the more I merge the 2 languages I speak.  Sometimes without knowing it was coming out of my mouth, I speak in both French and English in the same sentence. 
Example?
"Elle va à le school."
And then there are some words that are the same in both French and English.  I can't remember how to spell the right way for the language I'm supposed to be writing in at the time.

It's a weird feeling and I think it means good things about my transition. 

But it makes me feel like I'm 5 years old, all the time. 

Another school year begins!

This is our 3rd rentrée (just a French name for the start of the school year) in France.  Our first year I was so scared for our kids.  Rightly so, it was the toughest 6 months of their lives.  Our 6 year old sat through 8 hours of French with only knowing numbers, colors and how to say hello/goodbye.  It was hard for Will in some ways too but at 3, he was happy to play, glue and color.  It was a long, sad 6 months for Natalie.  Then around January she turned a corner.  She started speaking and understanding French.  She started making friends.  The rest of the year was so different and by May, we had a party at our house with 13 little French girls! 

Last year had it's own challenges.  We moved to Paris in June.  New school again.  We didn't know anyone again.  Fortunately, that summer we had become friends with a new neighbor in our building who's son was Natalie's age.  She now had a buddy to go with her to the new school.  He was new too but they had each other.  That boy ended up moving back to London about a month later but I will never forget how God took care of my little girl by providing a much needed friend at just the right time.

In Paris, we ended up with 2 amazing schools for our kids.  They are French public schools.  We had heard horror stories about life in the public schools here but we were blessed with something that was completely the opposite.  Both Natalie and Will love their schools, teachers and friends here. 

I don't know what this year will bring.  I've learned it's best for me to take each day as it comes.  (Lessons on control have been huge for me, living in France, but that will have to be another entry.)  Overall, this has been our best rentrée yet- we knew other parents, what supplies we needed, how things were going to go.  Living abroad is a funny experience.  Humbling and funny.  All of us have grown up a little more while living here. 

Here's to a great school year!

So I didn't go...

to the brocante.  Don't judge me.  I am not feeling up to running around the city just yet.  There's something about this lull before school that has me wanting to just stay home.  I know, I live in this beautiful city, but I'm not a tourist.  I am a resident and sometimes I just want to be home.  Sue me. 

I did however get a bookcase and some baskets to help organize our house.  It makes my house feel a little less cluttered and I love it.  It brought me some peace. 

We've been filling our time with parcs, reading, movies, hanging out.  It's been good.

I'm looking forward to school on Monday.  We've been out of a routine for a LONG time.  I like routine.  It also brings me peace.  ha!  Now you will all be signing me up for counseling sessions to work on my anxiety issues. 



Hope you are all enjoying your last days of summer. 

August in Paris

Whew, it's hot.  After spending 5 weeks in the land of air conditioning, I was not ready for life without it.  There are worse things but summer is not my favorite season to begin with, much less without a breeze.  We might be visiting parc andre citroen soon so we can cool off in the fountains.

My current home project is to work on making our apartment feel less like a dorm room and more like a home.  I hope I can find some cheap things at upcoming brocantes that will help add some flavor to this home.  I'll keep you posted on what I find.